Think about it. Wouldn’t it feel powerful to accept yourself exactly as you are, in this very moment, and release the need to do anything outside of that?
Ah, if only it were so simple, but for the majority of us it is not. I am making some progress towards this goal, but it’s definitely incremental. For most of my life, I’ve tried to fill a need – something I believe someone else to need, something I think I “should” be, something the world seems to expect of me. Lately I’ve come to realize that I’m expending a whole lot of effort that is benefiting no one, least of all myself.
In trying to meet the supposed expectations of others, you not only abandon yourself but also do them a disservice by not allowing them to voice their actual needs. The desire to constantly control a situation or someone’s perception of you comes from a deep-rooted sense that you are not worthy just for existing.
It is difficult to shift this when it’s coming from stored trauma and long-held beliefs about yourself. Releasing feels terrifying when you’ve spent a lifetime believing that you are only safe if you can adjust to the needs of others. Letting go is the opposite of control, and if you’re like me, it’s a completely foreign thing to do. It feels unnatural. It feels horribly uncomfortable. It feels scary.
Letting go is easy to speak on but difficult to implement. I can tell you that if someone doesn’t appreciate and love you exactly as you are, then you should let them walk away. While that’s absolutely true, many of us are not strongly rooted enough in our own self-worth to believe it. There’s also a distinct possibility that you’ve never actually shown anyone who you really are because you learned as a child that you were not safe or accepted as yourself.
None of this is your fault. You did not choose the cards you were dealt when you were young. You do, however, now have a responsibility to decide what you do with those cards, and which ones contain lies that you need to toss out in order to progress.
Releasing sounds like the easiest thing in the world, but it is truly the most difficult when you are struggling with your inner self. Start to cultivate mindfulness and peace little by little, in whatever methods you find that work for you. There are so many healing modalities and books out there – try all sorts of options so you know what best helps you to let go. My personal favorites are mindfulness practices, meditation, breath work, yoga, journaling and reading relevant literature.
Take your time, be patient with yourself, and go as slowly as you need. If just being was simple, a lot more people would be living in states of peaceful bliss and total self-acceptance.
I love you. You got this. Be kind to yourself.