We don’t want to believe that we prefer to remain in a victim mentality.
We don’t want to believe it because we think that if it’s true, it means that we are bad or foolish or self-destructive. But it isn’t that simple and it isn’t that conscious. We don’t stay in a victim mentality on purpose. It’s simply what we know, it’s comfortable, and we understand it. So there we sit and stagnate and wonder why nothing in our lives changes.
You may think, of course I want to heal. Who doesn’t want to heal? On the surface that may be true, but in reality, healing is terrifying. It’s stepping into the unknown and hoping that you come out on the other side, and maybe you don’t believe that you will make it. I’ve been on an intensive healing journey for several months now and I still spend a lot of time in fear that I will not “make it”. And you won’t, and I won’t, because there’s no real end point. It’s a continuous journey, for the rest of our lives.
There you have it. That’s what’s truly scary. Healing is work. Our old, unhealthy patterns feel easy. They are comfortable, familiar, and we know how to operate within their boundaries. Truth be told, most people prefer to stay relatively unhappy in comfort than risk failing at trying for something more. If it weren’t true, you and I and everyone else on this path wouldn’t have had to reach a tipping point in order to decide that we can no longer settle for our version of normal.
So, you’ve stayed in these dysfunctional habits because they felt easy to you, but in truth, they take just as much effort as healing. The difference is that you are so accustomed to operating in a place of unhappiness that you don’t see the work anymore. The physical and mental discomfort brought on by years of endless stress, dissatisfaction and depression feel like your baseline.
It takes work to keep yourself stuck when everything in your being is screaming at you to finally sit up and pay attention. It takes work to deny and ignore what your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves know beyond any doubt. It not only takes work, it’s killing you slowly, but you have chosen it over and over again because the unknown is so incredibly frightening.
But what if the unknown could also be more fulfilling and meaningful than you’d ever imagined?
It doesn’t have to be scary. It can be exciting, full of possibility, and a fresh start for your life. I read somewhere recently that the only difference between fear and excitement is breath. What if when you feel fear towards the idea of healing, you stay in your body, embrace the present moment, and breathe? Trust that you are okay, right here and right now, and that you are safe to feel excitement about healing instead of fear.
The unknown is beautiful. When you think about it, everything is uncertain anyway, so you might as well leap into something new. You gain nothing by staying stuck and unhappy.
You can begin your journey towards healing. Take the work in small steps, small increments. Stay in the present and don’t get caught up in worrying over the future. Breathe. Begin every day with the intent to further your progress just a bit, and the rest will unravel naturally in time.
You got this. I love you. Keep your head up.