I’m feeling a bit angry this week.
We are taught from a young age that it’s not societally acceptable to be angry, especially if we happen to be female. Anger is portrayed as a way of being, rather than simply another in the gamut of emotions all people experience constantly. This oversimplification of – and over-identification with – feelings is incredibly detrimental to everyone, and yet it persists.
I just now in the last year began to grasp the concept that I have emotions, but they do not define who I am. By nature I am a passionate person, but I’ve buried that fire for most of my life because it seemed to be too much for those around me. Rather than surrounding myself with people who actually appreciate my strong feelings and big heart, I assumed that they didn’t actually exist and I must be the problem.
Of all the big emotions, anger is deemed the most disruptive. God forbid a woman show her anger – or anyone, really, but I am a woman, so I speak to my personal experience. As far as our society is concerned, an angry woman is a bitch. An angry woman is inherently unlovable. An angry woman is embarrassing. An angry woman should stop making everyone so uncomfortable.
Well, I’m done with all that bullshit. I’ve pushed so much anger down over the years, poisoning my own spirit, and for what? So that people I don’t actually respect will like me? So I won’t make anyone feel awkward? I’m finally learning that it’s okay to upset other people, that upsetting people is part of life, and that I am not required to squash the truth of who I am for anyone, no matter what.
Anger is a healthy, natural emotion. What is not healthy is keeping feelings bottled up inside, ignoring the clear warning signs that your body, mind and soul are in distress. I am allowed to be angry, just like I am allowed to be joyful, sad, confused, anxious, calm … and whatever the fuck else I’m feeling in the moment. So are you. Nothing about your feelings is wrong, weird, crazy, or unacceptable. Everything you feel is valid, simply because it exists.
You matter. Every single one of your emotions matters, and no single one of them defines you. Don’t let anyone tell you what you are allowed to feel. The healthiest thing you can do is release your anger – in a way that doesn’t harm anyone – so that it leaves your body and you are able to move on.
Your feelings are valid and so are you. It’s okay to be angry. Sending you love.