I know. This is much easier to say than do. Trust me, I know. I’m writing about it because it’s something I struggle with on a daily basis.
I often think about how much easier my life would be if I could simply release what’s in the past and exist exactly where I am. Obviously it’s not just a me problem – it wouldn’t be the subject of so many self-help and spirituality programs if it were. Still, I’d say I cling to what’s already happened more than the average person, especially when it comes to romance. I can let go of most things except love.
Some of this is due to my childhood trauma, my dysfunctional relationship with my mom, and my attachment patterns. Some of it is due to my idealistic view of partnership. Some of it is due to my own recurring issues with low self-worth. Regardless of the reasons, it’s something that I am constantly attempting to improve.
My brain likes to wrap me up in regret, perhaps in a misguided attempt to protect me from taking the same path in the future. It is entirely unproductive, and now that I’m more cognizant of my thought processes and how they harm me, I’ve learned to bring my attention to the present – most of the time. I won’t lie, sometimes I still end up in a deep dive into my memories. I’m human. I have big emotions and I felt deeply for the people I’ve lost.
Thinking about the past creates regret. Thinking about the future creates anxiety. What if you focused on your breath and brought yourself to the present moment? I’ve found this to the be the best medicine – more helpful than any other remedy I’ve tried. Commit to any method you can use to promote mindfulness and attention to presence in your own life.
Imagine how free you would feel if you honestly and truly released what’s behind you and instead simply stayed present now. No regret, no anxiety – just a calm engagement in the current moment. What if you accepted it all as something that cannot ever be changed, and let it go? It is what it is. Stewing over it does nothing but cause you pain.
I know none of this is simple. If it was, I wouldn’t be writing a blog about my own lifelong struggles with it. Mindfulness takes continuous, diligent work. Try to think of it as a pleasurable task rather than a drag – after all, the closer you get to mastering the art of staying present, the more your life improves. You gotta train yourself in it just like you would in any other skill. The good news is that there are plentiful resources out there to aid you in your journey. Couple them with your own commitment to bettering your life, and you’ll be on your way before you know it.
You can teach yourself, slowly but surely, to release your past and all the burdens associated with it. I believe that you, and I, are capable of this – if we stick to it and make our own mental health our first priority. We can find peace of mind, even contentment, as we learn to accept what’s happened already and let it go.
You got this. Your mental state is more important than any regrets you’re still carrying. Let it go and focus on taking care of yourself. I love you. Big hugs.