This year is really hard for those of us who are especially sensitive to the loss of depth in this society. I cannot stand doing everything on a phone or a computer. The world was already far too disconnected and lacking authenticity, in my opinion, and then the pandemic hit – and literally everything moved online.
I don’t want to make the best of it right now. Everyone keeps saying, well, it’s not ideal, but it’s just the way it is. Yes, but I don’t believe we have to suck it up and act like that doesn’t ache deep within our souls. Isolation is terrible for mental, emotional and spiritual health. Our society has moved so quickly away from personal interaction, community, and communication in recent years. This disastrous situation we’re in accelerated that trend beyond what I ever imagined could happen in a few months.
I want space to grieve. We can, as a collective, mourn what we’ve lost. There is no shame in that, and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not allowed to feel, that you need to suck it up and just be okay. Fuck that. Let yourself move through your emotions, however overwhelming and complicated they may be. These are unprecedented and bewildering circumstances. You are absolutely allowed to mourn the freedoms you previously took for granted. You are allowed to miss companionship and feel your loneliness in your bones. You are allowed to hate doing everything through the numbing, impartial barrier of a screen.
I’m not going to adjust and adapt. I’m sorry, I’m just not. My truth is that I detest online classes and appointments, whether that means meditation, or yoga, or therapy, or whatever else I need. Surroundings are important. Ambiance is important. The feeling of others around you sharing the same experience – beyond important. If this is the way it is now, I don’t want it. I’m not going to do yoga training online. I would rather wait however long it takes to do them in the room. It’s worth it to me.
What would it be like if instead of shaming each other for experiencing our emotions however they surface, we committed to supporting each other in any way necessary? What if the collective admitted that maybe we need to let ourselves feel the worst of it before we try to make the best of it? Acceptance and denial are very different. How do we move from this place of societally imposed denial and let ourselves instead claim space to process the magnitude of what we’re going through?
Let’s start a revolution by refusing to whitewash our feelings and living in our truths instead. Personally, I’m not interested in falsifying what I’m going through to make others comfortable. It is not our responsibility to shrink who we are so that it fits an imaginary standard of normalcy.
We have no obligation to pretend that we are doing okay. Do not force yourself to make the best of things. Stand tall and live in honesty. Screw what anyone else thinks of it. You are allowed to exist as you are. There’s no shame in that.
You can live bravely in your authentic truth. I know you can. What you are feeling matters, and I love you.