Do you have a tough time giving yourself a break? I know I do.
I’ll keep my story short, but I got an opportunity I couldn’t pass up and I took it. I knew it would be an adjustment and that I’d be required to learn a lot quickly. I thought, this will be a test of my new skill set as I move through my healing journey. This will show me where I’m struggling to give myself acceptance and compassion.
I’m not going to lie, the position is a lot. It’s overwhelming, exhausting, and frustrating, partially because I’m conditioned to hold myself to an unreasonably high standard. That is how I know that it’s a great test for me, a way to apply everything I’ve learned in theory but haven’t necessarily implemented into my life.
Do you also have a perfectionism problem? Judge yourself and get frustrated that you aren’t learning or adapting faster, even when those around you feel otherwise? It’s such a tough complex to shake. When you come up against a situation where your limits are tested, can you think of it as a great life lesson rather than an insurmountable annoyance?
Most of the time, you are your own harshest judge and worst enemy. Don’t assume that everyone around you thinks you’re doing a terrible job just because that’s what you think. Maybe part of the problem is that you’re trying to carry all the weight on your own shoulders. It’s possible that you don’t have to take full responsibility. It’s possible that you can, and should, allow others to help out when you have excessive obligations and your energy can’t keep up with it.
Us perfectionists have multilayered problems. We not only hold ourselves to a high standard, we often feel as if we have to walk alone. We are so used to expending and giving that we have great difficulty allowing and receiving. So what if, next time you feel as if you’re drowning, you ask for the help you need? What if you stopped believing that this makes you weak or less than, and accept that you are human and that there is probably someone out there who can lend support?
Believe them when they praise you. Accept that you are fallible and will make errors, but that it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Set boundaries with yourself and everyone else around what you can handle and what you need when it gets to be too much. Most of all, learn to recognize when you need some assistance, whatever that may mean, and let yourself open up to requesting it.
I promise you this will improve your quality of life. You are courageous. You can find the vulnerability to let yourself receive. You are worthy of support, and asking for it does not reflect poorly on you. Once you begin, it gets easier and easier. Take the help you deserve, dear one. Life isn’t meant to be lived on an island. Sending love.