This is a real hard piece for me.
I have a lot of blockages regarding sexuality, and I’m not exactly sure where they come from. Maybe I don’t need to know in order to work my way through it. I feel like I do, but that’s just my brain trying to get involved and solve things from the outside in.
I’ve never felt like I can own my sexuality. This stems partially from my disconnection from my body, partially from the belief systems that were passed down to me, and partially from … I’m not sure. I was very shy and self-conscious as a teenager, with zero confidence when it came to boys and dating. From an early age, I felt a strong vein of sexuality within me, but I stifled it. It seemed scary and went against everything I grew up learning. Because I suppressed the healthy flow of my own sexuality, I then came to resent it when I saw others living freely.
So many of us grow up without any guidance when it comes to having a healthy sense of ourselves sexually. Parental support is as key in this arena as any other, but parents seem to have no idea how to deal with talking to their children about those things. At least mine didn’t.
As a result, I’ve struggled for years with my identity and sense of self as a strong, feminine sexual being. It certainly doesn’t help that our world gives women the most conflicted ideas possible about how we are “supposed” to and “allowed” to act. We are ridiculously sexualized in all areas of life and in the same moment told that we aren’t allowed to live fully within our own sexuality. We are merely here to be objectified, apparently, and when we step into the immense power that lies in owning our sexuality for ourselves, people freak out.
And that’s exactly why we need to go there. But, for so many reasons, I’m not quite there yet. I am not comfortable enough in my own skin to in turn own my sexuality fully. I haven’t reached the point where I completely embrace my body and love myself.
If you also have trouble embracing yourself and your sexuality, you certainly are not alone. There is a worldwide societal problem here, and we must work to break the system and dismiss any norms that exist. We can grow together to love ourselves, embrace our bodies, celebrate our sexuality, and live as freely as we are meant to be.
Your sexuality is yours and yours alone, to be expressed however feels natural to you. It’s no one else’s business – not the government’s, not your social circle’s, certainly no one’s outside of yourself. We don’t learn this, though, so it’s hard to step into full ownership. Get curious about your ideas and beliefs around your sexuality. What stories do you tell yourself? Are they outdated? Are they false? Do they come from inside or outside of your own body?
If you’re like most of us, they’re lies. They were either never true or you have expanded past them. We carry so much shame around our own sexuality, a core component of who we are, and for what? Why do we feel we need to live in a way that keeps us small just because it might make someone in our periphery uncomfortable?
So what if you explore your sexuality and what that means for you, however you want to express it? What if you embrace, celebrate and notice your feelings in this realm whenever they surface? What if you celebrate who you are and what you want from your life sexually without guilt or shame?
Just think about it. That’s the first step towards finding freedom. Sending love.