Yep. This is a thing.
As usual, I bring it up because this is something I’m also working on. Why not talk about it? I think that’s the whole point, to share what we are tackling with each other and find our common ground.
I’m learning a lot about boundaries in my current situation. I feel life put me here because I so desperately need to learn to set limits and hold space for myself. I do think the universe is taking care of me, and I’m grateful. It gave me the perfect container to attack this particular issue – a place where those around me are supportive, well aware of boundaries and what they mean, and also encouraging and respectful of my desire to work on them.
Still, living where I work and having no real personal space unless I hide in my room is very challenging. I thought the biggest obstacle here would be my boundaries in my job and living with the people I work with and for. But that’s not actually it. The piece I need to deep dive into, the one that I now realize was it all along, is my leaky boundaries with myself.
That’s right. We also need to work on boundaries with ourselves.
I do not stick to the boundaries I make with myself, any more than I stick to them in my relationships. I violate them constantly. In fact, at this very moment, I am doing so – staying up late to write this blog because I didn’t prioritize it earlier in the day and utilize my time wisely. Because of this, I likely won’t get up early enough to stick to my plans for tomorrow, and so on and so forth. It’s a cycle that I constantly perpetuate, even now with my heightened awareness.
Bad boundaries create a domino effect, even when it’s with yourself. Maybe especially when it’s with yourself.
I’m learning that in order to get secure in creating limits within relationships outside myself, I first need to keep my promises to me. If I can’t trust that I’ll honor the contracts I have for my own life, why would I trust myself not to go back on the rules I set with others? Of course I feel insecure, vulnerable, and uncertain.
So, I’m working on my boundaries with myself. Setting realistic expectations and goals so that I don’t constantly feel I’m failing. Choosing wisely when it comes to my time management – since I never feel like I have enough. Getting curious about why that is. So what if you get curious about all of this as well? I know that for me, I waste a lot of time in little interactions (and on social media) throughout the day. Not that you have to hide in a hole in order to get things done – but you probably don’t need to go by your coworker’s desk to chat every twenty minutes either.
Start with one boundary, something small that you know you can keep. I think that’s the best way to begin building your confidence in yourself. Once you’ve established whatever this rule is and know that you can honor it, add something else. Continue on in this way, little by little. Eventually you’ll have developed enough trust within yourself to tackle the bigger issues. Patience. Gentle gentle. You got this. Give yourself some compassion and love.