I got a great reminder from the universe today – that the words I speak to myself, both internally and externally, matter. They actually matter quite a lot. More than almost anything when it comes to my feelings of self-worth and confidence.

I know this, of course, but it’s easy to fall back into old habits. To let the voices return, the voices that judge and criticize from inside my head. I’ve gotten better at quieting them, but I’m still human. I have good days and bad. I have periods of time where I feel I’ve lost most of the progress I’ve made, even though that’s not actually true. It’s a reminder that even though I’m doing so much better than ever before, there will be days when I feel like I’m right back where I started – and that’s okay. I now understand that I am not my emotions, and I can feel them, let them move through me, and clear them.

We have the power, with the way we speak to ourselves, to either change our reality or enforce our old patterns into sticking around. We can vocalize our desires into being. It sounds absurdly simple, but think about it. There’s a voice in your head that’s constantly talking to you, and for many of us, it’s not a very positive one. We may hardly notice how many negative and hurtful things we say to ourselves, because we’ve been doing it for so long. And though you aren’t conscious of it, you’re damaging yourself with this constant barrage of toxicity and criticism.

Now imagine you can shift so that you are speaking to yourself lovingly, kindly, compassionately – the way you would to another person who you deeply care for. Isn’t it crazy that it feels difficult to do this for ourselves, who we should love and cherish the most, and so easy to do it for others? We aren’t taught to care of ourselves properly, and we take on all the dysfunction that people dump upon us throughout our lives and internalize it. By the time we reach adulthood, we are continually tearing ourselves down without even noticing the detrimental cycle we’re in.

The words that you say to yourself matter. You can speak your desires into being or you can continue to keep yourself trapped in an abyss of low self-esteem, self-doubt, lack of self-trust … all the things that will prevent you from reaching the place you want to be in mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It may feel cheesy, but consciously changing your inner voice to one that is nurturing and positive works. Affirmations work. Mirror work … works! It feels uncomfortable to speak positive words to the reflection of your own face because you need that more than anything. You may not be able to accept or integrate those loving statements at first, but keep working at it. Notice what comes up and stay with it. You may cry. You may get angry. A range of emotions will surface, so do your best to stick with them and get curious about why.

Eventually, with time and patience, you will shift your internal monologue into something that lifts you up instead of keeping you down. Little by little, it’ll change. One day you’ll realize that everything is different and the adjustment happened so gradually that you hardly noticed. You can build yourself up from the inside out. You can speak your dreams, your desires, your best self into being. It’s truly possible. The only thing keeping you from it is your fear, your doubt and your skepticism. But what do you really have to lose?

You can shift the way you speak to and relate to yourself. I really believe this, because I’ve experienced it and seen it in others. It’s real. You are strong, you are brave, and you can do this. Gentle gentle. Sending love.