It seems, as I move along this journey, that I can trace all my struggles back to a common root.
Lack of trust in myself. Lack of love for myself. Lack of belief in myself.
I either take my actions from a place of insecurity, or I take actions that reinforce the beliefs that I am not worthy or good enough. Whatever I’m doing, it comes back to the root issue – I am afraid to believe in myself. I still do not fully trust myself to handle what happens when I leap, even though I know that I automatically create a life that’s not fulfilling me by staying safe.
We often hit these bumps in the healing journey. They are in-between places, lulls in growth where we feel that we have made so much progress but at the same time none at all. We have found new awareness but we are still unsure how to implement our knowledge into useful practice.
This doesn’t have to be scary or discouraging. As I myself grapple with my own insecurities, I can get frustrated and feel that I’ve not made any changes. That’s entirely untrue. Even as I write this, I know that my behavior is not ALWAYS rooted in fear and a lack of self-trust. I can look at myself with love and compassion and celebrate the many wins I’ve had on my path so far. It’s just that I do see a reoccurring pattern that I believe many of us fall into, and so I want to address it… for myself, but also for all of us.
I like to now think of these challenging moments of self-discovery as a time to dig in, because this is where the magic happens. This is where we realize that we are the creators of our lives, and we can decide to stay in these old habits or instead begin to shift them. But, most importantly, these lulls are a wonderful opportunity to let ourselves integrate the work we’ve done. We don’t have to be in a constant state of accelerated growth – in fact, I don’t think that is possible to maintain and actually grow. If we aren’t integrating all this healing work and letting it sink into our bodies, we aren’t giving ourselves a real chance to make meaningful, lasting shifts.
Believing in yourself includes believing that it’s safe to have setbacks and times of challenge. It means believing that you are okay, and enough, and more than capable of handling everything that life sends your way. It means knowing that you can thrive and flourish while accepting all parts of yourself – the light, the dark, and everything that lies in the spectrum between. It can be scary to step into a place of this much strength and beauty if you aren’t used to inhabiting it. When we spend our lives making ourselves small and striving to please others, we might not even understand how self-worth truly feels.
I propose to you the idea that everything begins with believing in yourself. I think that developing a strong sense of who you are and what you stand for makes everything else flow more easily. Along with this, you fiercely nurture a love for and trust in yourself that cannot be taken away. From this strong foundation, you then build, grow, leap, and learn. We often try to solve our problems from the top down, the outside in, but we can’t create lasting change that way. It has to be an inside job.
I am with you in the feeling that it’s intimidating to learn to believe in yourself when you’ve never been taught! I don’t pretend that it’s simple. If it were, we would all be walking around in our truths, confident, unwavering and lighting the world up. I hope someday that does feel like our normal. You are strong and I believe in you! There is no power like the power of loving yourself unconditionally. I’m sending you my love too. Gentle gentle.