As I meditated today, these affirmations bubbled out of me while tears rolled down my cheeks:
“I am safe to receive. I am worthy of receiving. I do not owe anyone anything.”
The tears came as I repeated the words. I knew that I needed to say them because I still don’t believe them. I was never taught growing up that I am worthy of everything I desire simply by existing. Even as I type that, I’m having a hard time really believing that about myself.
Are you able to allow yourself to receive? Or do you push away the gifts and kindness of others? Even more subtly, do you accept them, but immediately think about how you can repay or support them in kind? This, too, is not allowing yourself to be truly present to what is coming in for you. I know that’s the hardest habit to break. Hell, I literally only realized today that immediately trying to give back to someone means I’m not allowing myself to fully receive from them.
It’s incredible that we can show such love and generosity to others, but have difficulty accepting in return. Even when we know how good it feels to give. Even when we know that their motivations are not our responsibility, that if they choose to give to us, we are allowed to receive innocently and gracefully without strings attached. If they have ulterior motives, that is out of our control and not our problem. It’s incredible that I can so easily believe someone else is totally worthy of receiving just by existing, but cannot believe it of myself.
I know this one isn’t easy. I grapple with it every day, as evidenced by my needed affirmations. I’m working through it right now and I can tell you that though it’s not something I’ve healed yet, it does help to clear the emotions around it. The anger, shame and lack of self-love are not worth holding inside me, so I work to release them. I want to be love, and I can’t model that until I learn to love and accept myself first. Until I believe that I am worthy of receiving just because I exist.
This is a labor of love for yourself, working to believe in your worth. It is difficult to move forward into your purpose and truth if you are keeping yourself small with limiting stories about what you can do and what you deserve. Work to let that go. There is no ceiling on what you can accomplish, but you have to believe in yourself in order to unblock the flow of your energy.
You are truly worthy just because you were born – even if you have a hard time believing it just yet. It’s true. I know it’s true, and someday so will you. You are enough. I love you.