I used to get really bummed because people would tell me I was negative. I didn’t see myself that way, and I certainly didn’t understand how to be different. I thought that was just who I was, and I got resentful. What was I supposed to do, change my whole personality to please others? I felt rejected and as if I couldn’t be myself. So, I only spent time with the gossipy, negative people from my toxic, stressful job. At least they let me vent and release my feelings of misery.
Many of us stay stuck in the state I was in for a long time, maybe all our lives. I had no idea that not only could I shift my perspective on life, I was actually completely in control of everything. Even not making a decision … is a decision. Unaware of my victimhood and feeling hopelessly trapped, I simply thought that anyone who pointed out my sour attitude was cruel and didn’t understand me.
It was perhaps true that they didn’t understand me, and that they could’ve been more sympathetic and kind. I was a very lost, sad soul trying my best to survive with what I knew at the time. I was still a kind, loving and hopeful person. I’d just never been taught how to manage my past traumas and regulate myself.
If you had talked to me about vibrations and changing my perspective then, it would’ve pissed me off. I hated it when people told me stuff like that. It made no sense to me. In my eyes, I was trapped, I was miserable, and no amount of “shifting my perspective” could make that go away.
Then I reached a point where I couldn’t stand it any longer. The universe had nudged me enough times. It got impatient, and it bludgeoned me with the truth. Evolve, grow, and change, or sink under the weight of endless depression. I was tired of feeling terrible.
So, I got help. I learned to start asking for support from others, both professionals and friends. I admitted to myself what I’d known for years; that I hated my job situation, that it was toxic AF, and that it did not have to be that way. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I couldn’t keep on the way I was going. It was literally killing me.
The journey is taking time. It’s been a year and a half since I admitted that I needed help, and every day I learn something new. At times it’s overwhelming, at times discouraging, but mostly it’s exciting. I’ve taken so much ownership over my life, which can feel intimidating when you are used to assuming that everything happens to you and you can’t do anything about it. I understand now the power of utilizing my personal energy well, of creating a higher vibration for myself and those around me.
People don’t tell me that I’m negative and depressing to be around anymore. That’s because I don’t feel negative and depressed. Do I have my moments? Of course. I’m human. The difference is that now I can sense my own behavior and take control, releasing the old negative habits and finding a new way of progressing.
You have the power to change how you approach your life. You can shift your own vibration. You just have to accept that you are, in fact, creating your life. It’s the truth, and you can either keep on denying it to yourself and block your energy, or accept it and move into flow. It’s a learning process, but what could be a more valuable way to spend your time?
You got this. Learning to understand and work with your own energy will change your life. Lifting your vibration and becoming so strong in your foundation that no one can bring you down is a great place to start. When you have clear boundaries and respect your own energy as precious, you stop compromising it. You deserve to be happier in life. Sending you love.