I recently let myself fall back into a pattern where I felt bad about other people not choosing me.

It didn’t matter that I didn’t particularly want their friendship. It only mattered that I wanted them to choose me, and they didn’t. I put myself back in the position of a victim, of someone who needs to be chosen by others, no matter who they are. No matter whether I would choose them in return.

It’s funny how we find ourselves stuck in replays of high school even as adults. I was never popular. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. It’s taken me years of work to realize that I don’t need to fit in – that the only way I find my people is by being completely myself. If I stay true to who I am, the people who are meant to be in my life will find me. But once in a while, I forget that and I try to please those who aren’t really my tribe.

I usually do choose people who feel like home. People who celebrate me and let me be all of myself without judgment or criticism. People who don’t make me guess how they feel about me. If you ask me who my true friends are, I can answer that question without thinking. Isn’t it funny, then, that when it comes to relationships, I don’t apply the same standards? Go figure. I don’t know if I’ve ever dated someone who truly felt like home.

I made a commitment to myself this past year to spend my time strengthening and cherishing my friendships. I want to know how to be in healthy relationships with other people, romantic or no. I figure that building great friendships will help me learn what I should be doing in partnerships. So now, I only let people into my life who accept and love me for me. I only spend time with people who I genuinely respect, adore and admire. My world is so much better than before.

Gone are the energy vampires, the negativity queens, and the judgmental, catty faux-friends. I bid them farewell and never looked back. Slowly but surely I pared my friend group down to those people who I know will always do their best to treat me well. It’s transformed everything. I’m more supported than I’ve ever been in my life. It’s an amazing feeling.

So what if you got rid of all the toxic relationships in your life? What if you set boundaries and stopped allowing anyone to treat you badly? I promise that it will change your world in the most beautiful ways. You deserve better. Even if you don’t know it yet, you do.

Start cultivating your friendships carefully. It is so important to have a strong support system of good people in your life. I feel so lucky that I finally allowed mine in, and that they were still there waiting patiently for me to trust them. Choose people that feel like home and you’ll never wonder whether you fit in anywhere. You belong, just by being you. Maybe you just haven’t surrounded yourself with a worthy circle.

You deserve people who love and support you no matter what. Sending you my love. Believe in your worth.