I’ve changed a lot lately, but there is one distinct difference between me now and me two years ago.
I now believe wholeheartedly in my capacity to heal myself. I have done the work and seen the results, and it encourages me to keep on going.
It didn’t always feel this way. For a long time, I wasn’t sure I was getting anywhere at all. Often, healing feels like shit, to be honest. I remember lying in my bed every week after therapy, feeling absolutely miserable. I see now my great courage in unearthing everything painful and raw in my life – of course it hurt horribly. But I kept on going. I knew I didn’t have an option. I couldn’t stay stuck and trapped any more. It was slowly killing me and I didn’t want to die, not really.
I have so much compassion for the version of me that’s struggled for most of her adult life. I had – and have – so much to work through. The issues piled up on top of each other over the years until I was buried under a concrete tower of hopelessness. I am incredibly proud of myself for scraping with my fingernails, my teeth, my determination, my fire, everything I had, until I came up for air on top of that pile.
I got to the point where I figured I might as well try anything and everything. That was the greatest gift I ever gave myself. I dove into hypnotherapy, tapping, breathwork, meditation, embodiment practices, yoga nidra – literally nothing was off the table. Because of my open mind and desire to find whatever would help, I now have an arsenal of self-care practices that enhance and deepen my every day life. I’ve also cultivated a strong desire to bring these modalities to people who are suffering and help them the way others helped me.
Sometimes I can’t believe my own inner transformation. I continue to grow and evolve each and every day. The difference is that now, with the encouragement of the obvious improvement in my mental health and happiness, I’m excited to do the work. It really helps to see that I can, indeed, break through to the other side of an obstacle. I feel empowered and capable and strong in my sense of who I am. I’m truly a changed individual, and knowing that I have my own spirit, my inner light, to thank, gives me so much confidence.
I can do anything I decide to do. I know that now, because I did something I never thought I could. I pulled myself out of depression, anxiety, fear and nervous system imbalance. Using my inner wisdom, I softened and finally asked for help, from other people and from the Divine. Once I opened myself, I realized that it was there waiting for me all along. I only needed to accept it.
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to be here, experiencing life this way. I know that I appreciate the beauty of it all even more because of the dark place I once inhabited. Believing in myself and my ability to heal means that I can actually do it. We have to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, the possibility, even when it seems insane. I didn’t believe at first that I could do this, but I knew I had to try.
In order to embark on a difficult journey like healing, you must take a leap of faith. In yourself. In the world. In something greater. Often it takes desperate circumstances to let ourselves do this. What if you took that leap before life got so grim? Because you can. You can heal. Each and every one of us has the power to heal ourselves.
And that, my friends, is the most beautiful realization.
You are precious and you are capable of healing. I love you.