I drew a card from a deck tonight that said, “Be careful with your preferences, they may be holding you back”. I immediately thought, is this about the Wifi? I’m working with a wellness retreat center in Costa Rica (yes I’m back!) right now, teaching yoga and assisting with hotel duties, in a tranquil and gorgeous mountain setting. It’s an incredible space, a wonderful container for growth, and the perfect place for inner reflection and renewal. And yet, I find myself annoyed that I can’t readily film content for my online classes because the Wifi is unreliable.
Yes, I realize how ridiculous and entitled that sounds. I know that I should be grateful for the here and now, and I really am. I wake up every single morning feeling content and refreshed for the day ahead – something that’s rare for me. The work is easy and the vibe supportive and accepting. It’s perfect. Almost perfect.
I tell myself to let it go, to just take what comes and stay present in the moment. Mostly, I do. Still, there’s this nagging feeling that by being here I’m continuing to delay the work that I need to do, the work to build a business for myself. Work that mostly takes place online. Work derailed by a network that doesn’t run fast enough for me to upload videos or livestream effectively.
As someone who is generally all about disconnecting and immersing oneself in nature, I hate admitting that I harbor these feelings. The words “marketing”, “branding”, “content”, “analytics”, “SEO” … they make my stomach turn. I couldn’t be less interested in any of that – but I am interested in using my skills to bring resources and healing assistance to those who need it. Right now, the best way to do that effectively happens to be online. I don’t like it, but that’s the truth.
But, perhaps I step back from these thwarted expectations for a moment and take a breath. Perhaps I try to remain fully present where I am and know that I am making a difference, right here, right now, teaching in person. I’m incredibly lucky to get the privilege of doing so in an open-air shala with an unreal jungle view. This is an opportunity not to be squandered in annoyance over upload speeds.
I can admit that my preferences may be holding me back. If I worry less about my online presence and more about my ACTUAL presence, I know that the universe will continue to support and guide me. It’s possible that I am keeping myself small in this moment, when I have a unique chance to grow and expand in many areas.
Where do you see your own preferences holding you back? Can you identify them, and if so, what would happen if you let them go? This is a great subject for meditation and/or journaling. Get really honest with yourself here, even if you don’t love what you see. That’s the only way to start shifting and releasing patterns that aren’t serving you.
You’re doing great! Sending you much love.