Shame is such a bitch, isn’t it? I mean really.
Every time I work on healing my shame in one area, it pops up somewhere else. We as humans walk around on this earth carrying so much shame within us. Shame isn’t real! It’s a negative construct that we made up as a society and then were told we need to feel about, well, basically everything. It keeps us small, stuck, and obedient. And the whole thing is a lie.
Shame can be sneaky. At times it’s quite obvious, but often it’s difficult to identify. I realized recently that I am feeling quite a bit of shame around my need to have a reliable, fast Wifi connection. I don’t want to be “that” person. I have a concept in my head of what a person who needs a Wifi connection is – pathetically attached to their devices, not present to the moment, not living their lives the way they should. And because I have this idea, I don’t want to be that way. The truth is that I’m trying to develop my own career and a lot of that occurs online, especially in these current times. There’s no shame in it. It’s a reality that does not change despite my attempts to deny it to myself. Instead, I just make myself miserable by putting myself in situations where my Wifi needs aren’t met. Then I’m frustrated that I can’t accomplish what I need to accomplish. The irony is that if my internet was good, I would spend less time stressing and more time present to the rest of my life.
Do you see how all of this is an illusion? I’ve created shame around an idea of a person – also just fiction in my head – that I don’t want to be. I’m then afraid I am that person, and so I feel shame around being… myself. It sounds completely crazy when I actually lay it all out.
And yet, we are all carrying around shame built on similar lies and illusions. Shame is not real. Does a baby feel shame? No. We are taught to feel it. If we don’t feel it when we still possess our full innocence, it has no place in our lives.
Imagine for a moment that you could let go of all your shame. All of it, even the seemingly minor shame like what I mentioned above. If it’s not a big deal, like I keep telling myself, then why am I letting it disrupt my entire world? Obviously it’s more important that I believe. You probably have some shame lurking in the shadows that you’ve also dismissed. Think about how free you would be without any of it! Truly, as free as a small child.
Doesn’t that sound absolutely beautiful? I hope you know this is possible for you, if you just believe in yourself and your ability to heal. You can shed your shame – all of it. Believe in yourself and your strength. You are more powerful than your trauma.