I have a personal secret. No, I’m not going to reveal it here. I’m not ready for that. What I can say is that I’ve felt a lot of shame, self-judgement and anger about it. I have been grappling with what I feel to be the consequences of my poor choices for some time now, and healing’s been difficult.
As I confided in a friend about it today, I realized something from her kind, compassionate reaction. I am coloring my presentation of the issue with my own feelings about it. This is a lesson, a lesson in learning to love and accept myself in every way. I want to come to terms with this problem and love myself fiercely through it. If I don’t, I can’t expect that reaction from someone else.
Just because it feels like a big deal to me, just because others have made it feel like a big deal … does not mean that I have lost my worthiness. It doesn’t mean that I am a bad person or that I don’t deserve love. If anything, it gives me a surefire way to find out if the people in my life truly care about me, the real me inside. A way to weed out those who aren’t the right fit, I suppose. But first I have to get comfortable standing in my truth and loving myself even when others don’t accept or understand me.
I’m starting to see that my behavior can help inform the reactions of others. If I don’t treat this thing like the end of the world, then I won’t lead others to automatically think the same. If I present the issue calmly and rationally, with clear information, maybe the whole thing won’t be so awful. It’s possible. My friend’s understated reaction today gave me a glimmer of hope.
Is there something in your life that you’re afraid to talk about or bring up? Are you afraid of rejection and judgement from those around you? Maybe start to look for the lesson in all of it. Find the obstacle that the universe is gently urging you to acknowledge. Face the fears that come up around it. It won’t be easy, but we all have to do the necessary work to grow. You’ve got this. I love you – exactly how you are.