As I continue to work through my healing process, I am starkly aware of the way I respond to others. I notice now whenever I’m unkind or impatient. It was easier when I wasn’t so present to my less-stellar moments. There’s no way to ignore my behavior now.
I am not for everyone. Not everyone is for me. I know that, but sometimes I get very annoyed with those who don’t really fit my vibe. That’s not fair, and I’m more aware of it now than ever. There is no cause to be rude to someone just because they are different from me. I’ve never been a patient person. The uglier side of my personality is not something I can deny and still continue to heal.
I try to have grace for myself while also acknowledging how I can improve. Some days are better than others. I try to notice when I’m the most intolerant – when I’m stressed by work, perhaps, or when I haven’t eaten in a while. I know that part of the secret to being a better human is simply taking care of my own needs. When my cup is full, I can more easily give to others with an open and loving heart.
Where can you do better? I encourage you to start becoming aware of your own behavior and how you treat those around you. I began by noticing where I was reactive instead of responsive. When you react, you give the other person the power of controlling your behavior – whether they want that power or not. When you respond, you take your time to come into the situation from a grounded and sovereign place. It is a powerful shift to make in your interactions with others.
It can be helpful to journal about anything that comes up that triggers you. Write down what happened. Then write down how you felt triggered. Next, why you were triggered. And then, write why you were REALLY triggered. What is the deeper issue? What lies underneath your feelings? More often than not, you’ll find that your reaction has very little to do with the other person and everything to do with you. Sometimes you’ll surprise yourself. There may be a link with an incident from your past or some childhood trauma. It’s a beautiful way to discover something about yourself as well as begin to heal.
You can police your behavior and still show yourself love and compassion. None of us are perfect. All of us will make mistakes. The best you can do is learn from them and choose a different way next time around. Sending you love.