I have to remind myself to do this quite often.
I am a chronic people-pleaser who performs for love and grew up navigating the ever changing moods of my primary caregiver. The trauma is real. To this day I have a difficult time staying true to myself in the face of conflict or volatility from another person. It freaks me out. My reality was denied for so much of my life that now I don’t even know what my reality is. The work I’m doing now is to reclaim my SELF and love and cherish her, no matter what anyone else thinks. I am not here to make everyone around me happy and comfortable. I am here to stand in the full truth of who I am.
I know this logically, but I have to retrain my body to know it as well. So many of us were, pardon my bluntness, fucked over by our parents. We didn’t learn boundaries, or personal agency, or self-love, or confidence. We spend our entire adult lives dealing with the fallout. We have to learn to remember who the fuck we are.
Now, when I find myself faltering, I come back to my resources. I know how to take care of myself better than ever before. I can move my body. I can dance, practice yoga, run or hike. I can breathe myself into a different nervous system state. I can journal or scream or shake or take a hot epsom salt bath and meditate. There are so many ways that I can help myself. All I have to do is choose to consciously come back to myself. This is my responsibility. I can’t change my past, but I can sure as hell keep it from ruining my current reality.
You can do this too. Remember who the fuck you are. You are magical. You are limitless. You are the only YOU on this planet. Anything is possible, if you step into your truth with courage and awareness. You’ve got this! Sending you love.