Now, at first glance this might sound selfish. Who chooses themselves every time? Does this mean that you are neglecting or even thwarting the needs of others to satisfy your own whims?
That isn’t what I mean. What I mean is prioritizing yourself in situations where you may feel the desire to people-please, to ignore your boundaries, and to forget that you matter too. It is very important for those of us who have spent our lives trying to make everyone else happy at our own expense to shift this behavior.
In the end, it doesn’t benefit anyone anyway. You aren’t sharing your true self with the world. That’s a disservice to you and everyone else as well. You might have never thought of it that way, but that’s the reality.
So I challenge you to think of choosing yourself every time. When saying yes doesn’t actually feel good to you, find the courage to courteously say no. You don’t have to explain yourself and your needs. You are allowed to say no without caveats. If that feels incredibly weird to you, I definitely understand! When you aren’t used to having boundaries and taking care of yourself, it can feel foreign to adjust into a healthier, aligned response.
Choosing yourself does not mean being cruel to others. It simply means not being cruel to yourself in order to make others comfortable. You are worthy of having needs – and speaking up for them. By protecting yourself, you set an example for others to do the same.
Doing this work isn’t easy. Every time that you choose yourself first, even in small ways, I invite you to celebrate that. Reinforcing how good it feels to establish healthy boundaries will help you to keep doing so. Build on the momentum, little by little, and someday it will flow so naturally that it feels like a no-brainer to take care of yourself first.
You’ve got this, and I’ve got you. I see you. I’m proud of you. Sending you love.